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Red Hair Clips [18 Apr 2004|03:40pm]
[ mood | angry ]

God, things just keep getting worse. The rain won't stop, and it just keeps pouring and pouring. I'm not used ot so much water, it makes me uneasy. It's not natural, and I wonder if anyone has though of the possibility that Hidden Rain might have something to do with it. They are the Hidden Rain...

Gaara... honestly, I don't know what to say. He's... one day he'll get better. I do love him, I do, but no matter what I try, all he does is glare and turn away. Fuck, I know I messed up before, I was never ever... I wasn't his sister, I just wasn't. But now, it doesn't even matter that I'm trying- he's been hurt too much already.

God, I'm so sorry...

If there was something I could do... I'd do it in an instant...


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Problems [22 Mar 2004|11:04pm]
The mission seems to be going fine physically, but underneath the surface things aren't looking as good.

Gaara is... being himself, I suppose. He's been acting better than normal, but...

Since we left on this escort mission, Kankuro and I have been trying not to provoke him at all on the way to the Rock, tried to keep him calm... It's not working well and I'm worried.

A small group of asassins attacked and tried to get the girl. Gaara made frighteningly quick work of them. Three of them, all dead now. The others were scared of him, I could see it. Once again, calming him seems to be a wasted effort, only provoking him into threatening me... Gaara, I'm only worried... About you, about everything it seems...

Today, he became angry again. Went after- god, I couldn't even tell if it was Kankuro, of the girl behind him. It was a miracle he stopped himself. Or maybe I stopped him, I don't even remember. Somehow, I don't think me being there had anything to do with it, he'd kill me in an instant to.

It's sad, the truth, and something I've had to live knowing. The worst thing in the world has to be having someone you love want to kill you. But, there seems to be nothing I can do anymore...
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Blood on White Walls [15 Mar 2004|07:28pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Gaara has started up killing again, Shuukaku coming out more and more frequently, I can tell... It frightens me, that someday the demon will take full control of him. I heard a racket a few nights ago, came down to find a room splattered with blood. He didn't have to tell me they were simply more assasins...

He's been cold to me lately, different. I don't like it. It seems as if he's distancing himself from me again, and I can only fear the reasons why.

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Konohagakure [27 Feb 2004|12:53am]
[ mood | bored ]

I've been doing nothing lately... Sitting at the house assigned to me, watching clouds. Haven't really seen anyone at all... Still, being able to relax is nice. I haven't seen Gaara in a while, I wonder where he got off to...

Still, having all this time on my hands makes me with for excitement...

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We're Finally Getting Out... [12 Feb 2004|07:18pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

I... contacted the leaf Hokage... And asked if she would allow us refuge in konohagakure... She said yes. She's going to send an escort to bring us to the leaf and then she'll decide what to do with us... But we're getting out! Thank goodness we've got a way out...

The escort should be here soon, I wonder who it is...

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Flight [08 Feb 2004|01:49am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Gaara and I are leaving. Tomorrow. We don't know where we'll go or how we'll manage to get out alive, but we're going. Kankuro, we still don't know where he is, but I know he'll cover for us when the come to him looking. Gaara unleashed Shuukaku for a time and there were a few deaths, so now we really need to get away while we still can. Gaara, don't worry, we can do this.

Please, wish us luck and safety. And of course, if you know of some place we can stay... please tell us as soon as possible. Hope to see you all again...

OOC:((Wow... my head it throbbing... I need sleep... But sadly, I'm an INSOMNIAC! NUUUUU! Plus, my bed wants to eat me... Shh... it hears all!!! >.> <.<))

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Sonata [06 Feb 2004|08:40am]
[ mood | calm ]

Gaara and I... fought for a time... but I think we may have finially resolved our differences. I'm not dead, after all. Kankuro has gone off somewhere, I haven't seen him for days, but if he leaves that's his decision. Though I do hope he comes back... But as for now, my relationships with my family are... stable... and even though it's only Gaara and me in the house, I don't feel the need to avoid them all anymore. I suppose that's improvement.

My training has been uneventful- well, what little of it I have done, anyways. I haven't even done all that much lately because I've been playing shougi and go. I have to practice for when I play Shikamaru-san. And watching clouds. It's a new thing, clouds in the sand, and they don't come often. Still, they're interesting and simply resting while watching them is calming. Well, I must go now, time to prepare lunch...

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Dance [03 Feb 2004|07:38pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Today was a very interesting day. I... cleaned our house. Perhaps it finally got to me, all of the sand I mean; I have no idea why it did, though. When you live in the sand, you need to expect to breath, eat, and sleep sand. I guess I just was tired of everyone living in it. I feel almost like a... mother... It has started to creep me out slightly...

My training has been going well, I believe. The benefits of training at night just keep showing themselves. I'ts even easier to catch the wind at night, and that helps greatly for fan practice. Looking outside now, I realize it's almost time for me to go out. I wonder if Gaara will follow me? I have a feeling he might. Well, he's welcome to if he wants.

Speaking of Gaara... he has been acting differently. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the change is there. I wonder what it is, and what triggered it... But for now I will concentrate on improving my taijutsu.

I'll take flight of the sand soon.

OOC:((Sorry of the crappy post -_- I feel weird and my Temari-muse is acting strange...))

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Mission Impossible [01 Feb 2004|01:17pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

I pulled an all night training session last night, fell asleep by the sand dunes I was precticing by. A word of advice, don't just fall asleep in random spots in the desert. Not only is it dangerous, but quite chilly... Truthfully I need a better way to both improve myself and spend all of my free time. And I don't fancy that skittering around the house to avoid everyone falls into either category. At least my chakra control is getting better...

Thought more about running out of wond country, but I've realized I have nowhere to go... Where does a missing-nin go? And how would I evade the hunter-nin? I know father would be insistant on destroying me if I left. Perhaps though, running is worth the risk. It's better than just sitting here and waiting to be killed. Perhaps tonight or tomorrow I will take my leave, run somewhere away from here and hope to god I can hide my trail well enough that I can reach a reletively safe place.

But I can't just leave my brothers here, especially not Gaara, who will protect them? As an older sister, it's my job to make sure they are safe, and if that includes from our other family, so be it. The question is, will they agree to come?

Shikamaru-san, I await out match with great confidence. You won't beat me.

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Friendship [31 Jan 2004|12:36pm]
[ mood | serious ]

Lately I'v been spending more time on this thing, checking out my new 'friends.' I never knew that the leaf nin were nice. I'm new with the whole 'being friends' thing, I've never really had any. But as long as I'm here and have time to waste, I'll give a big greeting to Shikamaru-san, Sakura-san, Ino-san, Hinata-san, and Naruto-san. And to onii-san also- hello, Gaara. Still, chances are that none of you read this drivel. Perhaps it cannot be helped, after all there are more worthwhile things to be done.

Gaara has been acting different recently, a change that although strange is none the less welcome. I do worry for his sanity though... At this present time it seems that Shuukaku has become less blood-thirsty, that or Gaara is ontrolling him better. I still get death threats often, but he has not harmed me in a very long time. I wish sometimes that he'd let down his defenses, he still so young... What am I thinking? He is a shinobi, I am a shinobi, there is no time for me to mother him, nor does he need it. Still, even with the huge threat to my life that he is, I refuse to be scared of family- even members of a one as disfunctional as mine. I wont even fear father. I have been thinking recently, that I will go against father, try to get away and not be controlled again. I know I cannot count of either of my brothers for help, but perhaps Kankuro will be open to the idea... I can only hope and pray that all will go well...

I must clear my mind sufficiently to think up a good plan, I'll go train... Today is not as hot as the ones before and I can chance a day in the sun. I hope I return safely...

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After Training... [30 Jan 2004|03:39pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Back from my training, it seems it was neither as late nor as cool as I thought it was- I didn't last long training in the heat. I've noticed some of the leaf children around and have thus added them to my friend's list. Perhaps, though it is very idealistic, we can become friends... Being the only girl around makes life very dull- not that it isn't normally. Not much to do but play shougi against myself and train. And perhaps train with Gaara, since of my two brothers he is the most accessable. If I help him, perhaps he will not kill me. I am after all his sister, doing such things is my duty. I must look after, train, and protect him- I'm the only sister he has and I pity the way of life our father cursed him with. So whats a few hours a day with my brother? Not much of a sacrifice. Perhaps I'll see if he will join me in one of my night sessions...

I've heard from the fire country nin that its snowing there. It must be nice to be cool. Here in the sand it seldom snows, in fact I'd be hard pressed to remember at time when anything became chilly here. Funny thing is I cannot even imagine what it must be like in a blizzard. What one would de being cooped up like that. I suppose playing strategy games would pass the time, but I'm certain that most nin are more concerned with training that with 'old man games.' But I like them, they are challenging, and it is important to remember that a kunoichi's best weapon is her mind. Though I would write more, I find my time cut short as father has come home. Time to leave the house or at least stay out of sight...

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Trials and Tribulations [30 Jan 2004|01:42pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Today was yet another uneventful day... Sometimes it's very boring being the only one around with any interest in things besides training. Well, even with that baing said, I would up spending the day working on combat sans my normal weapon. Truely, I must improve my taijutsu skills- they are so far pathetically weak. I know that being female gives me a natural disadvantage in the way of strength, however I cannot allow that to limit me. For now, however, I must go and train- the sand is cooling and the moon rising, it's time for me to go.

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Another Day... [30 Jan 2004|12:15am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

By chance I rose early today, before the scorching sun had risen and warmed the sand. Lucky me. Since it was still the cooler chill of nighttime, I decided to train. And train I did. I have gotten much better since the Chuunin exams, I'd even go so far as to say I'm better than Kankuro who before the chuunin exams I used to lose against. Ah, yes, my beautiful fan is now swung with much greater ease. By the time the sun began it's ascent into the sky, I had already trained for two hours- a very productive morning. Deciding my brothers would soon wake (and also that the sun would warm me to the point of heat exhaustion if I kept up my training), I left the spot in front of our house to sit by the dunes hoping to avoid them. Gaara is getting even more sadistic, that monster must be taking a greater hold on him. Yet again my thoughts drift to the chuunin exams. For that time, I let myself remenice on days past.

It hadn't actually be all that long ago, the exams, and so the memory was still fresh. Mostly though, now was the time to review old fights and perfect my strategies. My first fight was nothing to go on, that Tenten girl was so weak it amazed me. How had she gotten past any fights at all? My second fight, though, was a challenge. That boy, Shikamaru, was definitely a rival- you could tell he had more of an intellect that the others put together. I'd have to watch out for him if we were sent one any more missions against the Konoha... I suppose my preformance in that skirmish was acceptable, but not nearly as good as it should have been- I will have to be more aware in future fights and make sure I have no weakness. I know I would become better if I had someone to practice against, but I know fighting either Gaara or Kankuro would be unwise. Even if by chance I won, my life would most likely be ended by them shortly out of spite...

Sometimes I wish I could just leave my family and set out somewhere, but unfortuately it cannot be so. Who would take care that Shuukaku was not released if not for me? Who would protect Gaara from our father? If I left, who would protect ME from my father from killing me as soon as I became a missing-nin? It's not that I don't care for my family- the fact that Gaara is still alive and somewhat sane is proof enough of that- it's just that it's so much to ask for from me. I'm but a kid yet, albiet one with the intelligence of an adult, but youthful none the less... No. I am strong. I am a kunoichi of the sand. I will not back down in the face of trouble. So live, so die...

Whne I couldn't stand my thoughts any longer, and it was still to hot to train successfully (by then it was afternoon) I headed back, thankful that I had so far avoided my relatives. I retired to my room, and here I reside now. Perhaps tomorrow will be a more productive (and hopefully cooler) day.

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